this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
