she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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