Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
