I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think my vagina is haunted
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
