listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need moral support for this bender
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
