I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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