i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
