Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
