That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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