I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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