Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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