yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
