u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
