Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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