i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
