I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
