I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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