alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
