covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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