I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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