Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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