his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
