Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
