Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
