a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize