i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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