he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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