so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
