I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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