In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
