ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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