We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
