My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm having to shit out rocks
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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