May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
