You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
