He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
