i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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