well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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