what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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