he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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