Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
