to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
