I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
