there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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