at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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