I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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