i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
