Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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