I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
