foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
