How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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