The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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