Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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