i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
