did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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