shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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