fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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