So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
