There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
