I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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