I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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