i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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