What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
