i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
