What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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