youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
